I think I won the penis lottery.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
