It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
