On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
