We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
