Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
