I puked a lego.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
