literally had 100 drinks last night.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
