if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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