i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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