The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
