The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
