You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
