I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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