smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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