put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
