Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
