he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
