my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is my gift to your gina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
