i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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