He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
