I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
