i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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