i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
