He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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