I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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