That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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