You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
