my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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