This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
