i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
