dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
