I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
