he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
