She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize