I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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