he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
