I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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