mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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