The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
