I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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