My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bring money and cleavage
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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