my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
