You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
