At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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