The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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