You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
me + whiskey = a bad person
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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