i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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