do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
