you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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