DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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