We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
