im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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