The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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