i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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