saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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