Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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