Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
