thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
