At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
