she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
