Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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