New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
