Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize