I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
