She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize