all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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