We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
