some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
