in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
