turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
