I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
