direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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