im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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