I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
